Unpredictable, uncontrollable, unimaginable...
ultra tired... i think i should let myself fail this sem...
sigh.. i want to watch NDP... i like the bay-water..
Ok ... sigh.. i want to go to sentosa... i want to slack somewhere...
losing my tan... losing my life... i'm a lifeless freak...
Better to be judged by twelve than carried by six.
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frustrated..
with life,
with school,
with work,
with people...
but i love my girlfriend, my wife, my concubines, my giggalos..
sigh.
hate how life is so unpredictable and leaves you feeling so screwed up. :(
shotgun fire anybody home
i've got two dimes in the telephone, alright..
it's not easy tonight..
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well today just simply a very shitty day. felt horrible mentally and physically for goodness knows what reason.. sigh.. maybe im gonna die soon.. whatever..
anyway.. listening to NDP songs now.. really makes me think.. no matter what, i don't think i'll ever want to leave singapore.. all my friends and family are here.. everything.. heh.. the new songs are getting weird.. i love moments of magic and home the most.. hehe.. here's one of the new songs..
it's called will you..
Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen?
Will you let your dreams take flight?
And will you make a difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment?
Will you dare to find new ways?
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Okay.. time to do some last minute 'chionging' ; TP semestral exams are like in less than a month for me.. i'm so dead because the only thing i understand nowadays is .. well.. DFUND? sigh.. time to just try and study.. my god.. sucks.. the exam timetable is screwed up man, i swear..
CKT - 24th AUG 07 - 1900-2100
EM - 27th AUG 07 - 0930-1130
DFND 29th AUG o7 - 1430-1630
Eurgh... wish me luck if i survive this sem =X...
still hoping to win those NDP tickets... will find out for the first phase in about 2 days .. =D
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A long time ago, humans all comprised of 2 heads, 4 arms, 4 legs and one soul. One day, God split the humans in two, and thus, all humans came to have 1 head, 2 arms, 2 legs and merely half a soul. It is our destiny to find the other half of the soul, because nobody can bring us to our maximum potention unless we discover the other half of our soul.
Yeah, so the entry below this is another attempt for me to win NDP tickets. Lol. I haven't watched NDP live since the preview all primary schools get.. and the desire to watch this year's NDP is really really strong =p. Hoping I can win at least a pair, can jio corde to watch NDP =) hehehe..
Anyway.. work was boring today.. getting sick of working again.. just tiresome sometimes.. to work with someone that is so unreasonable.. ah well.. really tired.. did last minute preparations to the PLAN =) Shall carry it out tomorrow, and the worlddddddd shall know! Lol. Sigh, really exhausted lately..
So I still have a speech that I haven't done.. it's about how Singapore's education system is supposedly set so only the fittest survive.. Have no idea how to start, no idea how to end.. it's like.. stuck midway, ah well, maybe I shall just skip the lessons lol.. growl..
Learning that TP life isn't all that great.. sometimes I just feel so damn lost.. lol.. well lesson wise, anyway. Sigh. I should just skip writoral tomorrow.. we shall see.. DFUND test tomorrow.. im becoming slack in studies, sigh.. i think i should just repeat the semester. There goes my navy scholarship, my diploma with merit, A705, and my sanity.. Ok, I know i'm stupid already, let it go.
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Which aspect of Singapore's History are you most proud of?
Alas, there are many things about Singapore's history that bring delight, smiles and recognition to both Singaporeans as well as foreigners. Singapore has come a very long way since the meager crown colony it once was. However, for me, there is one aspect of Singapore's history that always instills a sense of pride in me... Singapore's independence.
Singapore fought hard and long, and went through many stages of disruptions to peace and stability. Yet Singapore came through it all, much stronger, and with the right to have the name Singapore. Personally, I feel that life would be very different if Singapore had not decided that the separation from Malaya was the best move. I cannot imagine a life living under an external ruler, or to still be merged with another power.
I am proud that Singapore is independent, because it opens up the door to freedom for everyone. Being independent means that the Singapore government is able to rule Singapore to the advantage of our own people. Imagine if we had an external government, who made decisions that were more advantageous for them, giving no thoughts about our best interests. Singapore would definitely not be as peaceful as it is now.
Racial riots came about during the period of unstability, and many Singaporeans suffered the effects of such racial tension. However, ever since Singapore became independent, the government has worked hard to prevent such events from ever happening again. This shows that with independence, comes stability, which is another reason why I am proud that Singapore is independent.
Technology-wise, I feel Singapore has propelled forward, which no doubt, owes a large factor to our independence. To put it simply, I'm proud that Singapore is independent, a country standing on her own two feet, well developed and prospering, because no matter how small Singapore is, we wouldn't have peace and stability as we do now if we were not independent.
And on that note, Happy 42nd Birthday Singapore.
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Just reliving some lyrics.. hmm.. my favourite NDP song of all time is below.. hmm still trying to win NDP tickets.. oh well.. updated like 3 times today.. lol..
Dick Lee - Idol Paradise
These are their life stories
Minute by second their stories
Of hopes and of wishes
And of dreams coming true
Here are their life stories
The most incredible stories
That I will try reliving just for you
Dick Lee/Kit Chan - Home
Whenever I am feeling low
I look around me and I know
There’s a place that will stay within me
Wherever I may choose to go
I will always recall the city
Know every street and shore
Sail down the river which brings us life
Winding through my Singapore
This is home truly, where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me, where that river always flows
This is home surely, as my senses tell me
This is where I won’t be alone, for this is where I know it’s home
When there are troubles to go through
We’ll find a way to start anew
There is comfort in the knowledge
That home’s about its people too
So we’ll build our dreams together
Just like we’ve done before
Just like the river which brings us life
There’ll always be Singapore
For this is where I know it’s home
For this is where I know I’m home
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It's coming back to haunt me.. the shadow of my past.. a regret I thought I'd long forgotten.. it haunts me every moment of the day, and when the sky turns dark, it's all the worse.. did I really think I could confront it better at night.. dream ... factually it's impossible.. realisticly it's beyond me..
Just makes me wonder why it keeps coming back to haunt me.. and well.. i'm just trying to believe, but sometimes it makes it all the harder.. sigh.. finished reading harry potter today.. i must say it was the best book I've ever read in the harry potter series, well thought out, very systematic and a hell of a kick for an ending. If any, i must say they will have a huge problem trying to turn this book into a movie because they will not be able to remove any part of the book without destroying the true meaning of it.. so prepare for an 8 hour movie, or the greatest disappointment of a book-turned-movie ever.
Well.. there's school tomorrow.. sigh, sometimes it makes me wonder.. if I should just face the reality of what reality really is.. I should quit lying to myself. Wasting everybody's time and effort.. I wish I was void of all human feelings, of all human emotions.. I wish I had the power of true conviction, yeah, right.. I wish that i had no life to live, nobody to let down,and nobody to attempt to blame for my failures except myself.. it is my fault.. in the end, everything is of my own conviction and not anybody elses..
Why not skip one step ahead, and spare everybody the agony...? Yeah.. I know I'm useless already.. ain't no point to this anymore..
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somehow.. this story makes sense to me.. its an extract from J.K Rowling's Harry potter and the Deathly Hallows...
There were once three brothers who were travelling along a lonely, winding road at twilight.
In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure.
And Death spoke to them. He was angry that he had been cheated of three new victims, for travellers usually drowned in the river. But Death was cunning. He pretended to congratulate the three brothers upon their magic, and said that each had earned a prize for being clever enough to evade him.
So the oldest brother, who was a combative man, asked for a wand more powerful than any in existence; a wand that must always win duels for its owner, a wand worthy of a wizard who had conquered death! So Death crossed to an elder tree on the banks of the river, fashioned a wand from a branch that hung there, and gave it to the oldest brother.
Then the second brother, who was an arrogant man, decided that he wanted to humiliate Death further, and asked for the power to recall others from Death. So Death picked up a stone from the riverbank and gave it to the second brother, and told him that the stone would have the power to bring back the dead.
And then Death asked the third and youngest brother what he would like. The youngest brother was the humblest and also the wisest of the brothers and he did not trust Death. So he asked for something that would enable him to go forth from that place without being followed by Death. And Death, most unwillingly, handed over his own Cloak of Invisibility.
Then Death stood aside and allowed the three brothers to continue on their way and they did so, talking with wonder of the adventure they had had, and admiring Death's gifts.
In due course, the brothers separated, each for his own destination.
The first brother travelled on for a week or more and reaching a distant village, sought out a fellow wizard with whom he had a quarrel. Naturally, with the Elder Wand as his weapon, he could not fail to win the duel that followed. Leaving his enemy dead upon the floor, the oldest brother proceeded to an inn, where he boasted loudly of the powerful wand that he had snatched from Death himself, and of how it made him invincible. That very night, another wizard crept upon the eldest brother as he lay, wine-sodden, upon his bed. The thief took the wand and for good measure, slid the oldest brother's throat. And so Death took the first brother for his own.
Meanwhile, the second brother journeyed to his own home, where he lived alone. Here he took out the stone that had the power to recall the dead, and he turned it thirce in his hand. To his amazement and his delight, the figure of the girl he had once hoped to marry before her untimely death, appeared at once before him. Yet, she was sad and cold. separated from him as by a veil. Though she had returned to the mortal world, she did not truly belong there and suffered. Finally, the second brother, driven mad with hopelessness and longing, killed himself so as to truly join her. And so Death took the second brother for his own.
But though Death searched for the third brother for many years, he was never able to find him. It was only when he had attained a great age that the youngest brother finally took off the Cloak of Invisibility and gave it to his son. And then he greeted Death as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and, as equals, they departed this life.
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So now I stand
I never stood before
What's better left unsaid is done, buried and dead and you're alive
Girl I think you might just stay the night
I'm not trying to take it easy
I'm not trying to help you see
I'm not trying to take us over
I'm just trying to believe
omgz0r.. tired... super tired.. but the urge for me to sleep is just not there.. exhausted man... work was tiring for some weird reason today.. hmm.. ah well.. had to clean up and reset stuff.. so we left late.. yeah.. left about 12... super tired.. stoning... harry potter will keep me awake.... indeed it will... i shall bond with harry potter tonight :D sigh, so many things are left unsaid.. so many things are unsayable.. in some sense or other... if you know what i mean...
whats life anyway? why were we put on this planet? what were we meant to live out? why are we still living... Whatever... life's very superfluous... what's the point of living it out if you're meant to die? Some people suffer.. everyday people die.. young people... old people.. only to die.. so what's the point of life, if death is definitely meant to follow.. yeah.. so why doesn't the world just exhaust into thin air? Why doesn't it just desintegrate.. and we all desintegrate with it.. I'm not emoing here.. i'm being theoratical.. theory wise, what's the theory behind the world someone please educate me.. and if you say it's god, well here we go on that subject again... What makes you think that it's God? what makes you think god even exists.. or is he just something that people create for a scapegoat sort of thing? something bad happens, god intended it.. someone dies, god took him, someone suffers, god wants the world to learn. for god's sake.. jeez.
And while we're on the point of superfluous, since the world is reduced to redundancy, what's the point of going to school? to gain an education that is going to be useless when you're 6 feet under, breathing soil, or when you're reduced to ashes.. does it even make sense? no it does not. so why do we go to school.. only to go out to work? to earn money? for what? to sustain us through life? what's the point when we're going to DIE in the end.. fuck final analysis.. fuck if they say you can only go to heaven if you're kind to animals, kind to people, work hard and stay honest.. fuck that... who wants to go to heaven if it's the land of saints? Lets all go to hell and for that matter, who had the right to say that heaven belongs to god and hell to the devil, stereotypists.. the people who wrote the dictionary should rot...
for that matter.. the only part of life that makes sense is the dying part.. you'd be free... to end the cycle of what they call life? I call it a period of aprox. 100 years of torture.. so what gives another human to take the life of someone else.. they call it murder.. i call it a gift of freedom.. the murderer is a retard.. to free somone they hate, and to stay in the world of detest. i mean.. what they all say about leaving friends behind.. LOL.. if someone dies.. you'll meet them eventually. i believe in evolution, revolution and eternity.. i don't believe that you to go heaven/hell and live there happily ever after. all that you read, wherever you read it.. storybooks to deceive innocent little children.. whatever......
I'm Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me
I'm Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see
It's the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent
I'm Dying to live without you again
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There was a devil in the wishing well, he said you better give me something, give me something good, like everybody else i'm misunderstood..
Maeh, work was very fun today =). Sigh.. a little on the stoned side now.. haven't slept properly for days.. and i'm going to get book with my bro tomorrow.. so i probably won't sleep ... mm.. tired..
met corde at esplanade.. her play was 4 hours long.. mm.. then we walked to liang court macs.. ate there for awhile cos corde was hungry.. then walked to 7-11.. got some soft alcohol.. corde got some blackcurrant thing.. she said it was like ribena alcohol T.T .. i got my jim beam =D. they didn't have any tequila mix =(. Ah well..
yup.. cabbed home after that.. taxi drive was nice.. yep.. i'm going to finish watching click now.. well let me emphasize on the fact that corde is very evil. she took and evil video of me =(. and she pretended that i was the nugget... (well i did that too) .. evil right!.. heh..
felt kinda bad.. kept ray worried... sigh.. but it's really not like i'll honestly do something stupid.. what's there to do... and like.. well.. yeah..
well.. love me .. hate me.. i dunno.. i think that the devil's misunderstood too.. everybody thinks he's evil and all he knows is how to bring grief and destruction.. what proof do you have of that, and for that matter.. what proof do you have.. that God even exists... sorry... faith can only go so far.. and when it's reached the limits, faith is just a word, and all is lost..
growl..
I took a guess and cut a portion out of my heart..
The devil said that's nowhere close but it's a damn good start..
I wrote the secret that I buried on the wishing well wall..
he said i've seen one, it follows that i've seen it all ..
Hmm... what secrets have i buried ... ? Doesn't matter right.. they say god knows everything, so does the devil.. they're equally powerful, why must the devil be the bad one..?
We spoke of human destination in a perfect world..
derived the nature of the universe(found it unfulfilled)
Human destination ... everybody's meant to be somewhere.. meant to do something, meant to change something.. but that's in a perfect world.. the current world is imperfect, and human nature drives humans to lose their human destination.. and thus the scenario of a perfect world is gone to dust.. it won't ever happen..
Which leads to the nature of the universe.. what's it meant to be? calm, peaceful, a dreamer's paradise? Jerk back down to earth now.. it's unfulfilled, which again leads to the fact that.. this world is not perfect.. and nobody is perfect, and for that matter.. i'm not nobody.. at least not in the sense that i'd be perfect.. nowhere close my friend, nowhere close. Ah well.. the irony of it all.. time to watch click.. growl..
And sorry for making you worry last night ray =( it wasn't intended that way... just needed some time to chill out.. didn't do anything extreme.. and i did promise you i'd send corde home.. to her doorstep i did... rah.. felt bad for making you stay up worrying.. ah.. i'm evil.. very evil.. i'm the devil's best friend, his advocate even..
Growl.
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baby there's something on my mind tonight, there's a reason to believe that we almost had it right...
Okay, so this strange thing came to me today, it's going to be a very long and analytical entry, so stop here if you can't stand reading such entries, it's just my ranting, and I rant about weird things that i actually THINK about in the dead of the night.. for all it's worth its 2.45am and i have school at 9.. ah well.. the joys of life.. indeed.. lets start with something that triggered my thinking today.. Sierra (a huge ass game company), has decided to shut down my and about 500 other gamer's love. A game called ARC, it's old'skool, challenging and demands skill. The reason, though left unsaid, is clear.. it's gotten old.. its a minority's vote against a majority's DOTA or WOW or whatever it is these days... a full entry of my thoughts can be read here.. i took pains to write that mind you ... and then it triggered my thoughts about ... something else... here goes,
Did you ever wonder... what's the true reason to success? People always say it's commitment, dedication, uhm, money, connections? I don't know.. I'll tell you what I think it is.. success is driven on pure dedication.. to put every ounce of your mind, heart and soul into something you honestly believe in.. Something YOU believe in, and not what he, she, or her friend has told you... By pure dedication, I don't mean by waking up and saying.. 'Hey, today I'm going to do (-insert here-). Even though you do it, one day of dedication isn't going to do any bullcrap, unless you consider going to bed thinking 'omg today i stopped being a slob' a big achievement of your dreams... Everybody has dreams, me, you, him, her, it, that old man playing the clarinet in the underpass.. Not every dream is going to come true, because dedication is driven on willpower, and willpower is driven on sheer belief.. to believe that you have the power to do something is one thing.. Everybody has the power to do something, right? I've got the power to stab my best friend with a knife.. what stops you? Conscience? Fuck no... cos' honestly, conscience is very easily bypassed.. no matter what the bible says, i've stopped believing in that, i'm sorry i'm not a good catholic, never was and i'm not going to hide that fact.. a fact's a fact.
ANYWAY, lets drive back on track here.. it's not conscience you know.. conscience and belief are similar if you think about it, but belief is more powerful, because conscience is something you don't control, it's like that nagging feeling at the back of your mind when you forget something you desperately want to remember.. belief is driven by your own sheer ... whatchamacallit... personal self? Well you either get what I mean or you don't ... So its like.. say I have the power to stab someone, lets not even say my best friend, say my enemy... Why don't I? Because i'm someone who believes that I won't live with regret and guilt, that I have spilled a man's inner blood and taken his life into my hands.. It makes it all the easier to just walk away and forget.. Sure, tempers flare, it's human nature.. the most powerful element of all, dangerous. You can't control human nature, but it's like.. pretty harmless.. so long as you know how to believe. There comes a point where it goes between human nature vs belief.. believe me or not, belief will win. Picture this.. You're in a 5 by 5 m room with your greatest enemy. The only way out is a door behind you.. which you are leaning on.. you have an AK47, fully loaded, with the safety catch off.. it's trigger-finger sensitive.. one little squeeze and his skull will shatter into a million pieces and splatter the walls. What are you going to do? If you're going to get away with it with no charge whatsoever if you kill him? And if you can walk away freely, without getting slammed by some hidden kung-fu move from your enemy? I'd walk away.
Killing takes a fragment of someone's soul. Serial killers have no soul, because everytime they kill, a fragment is gone, it becomes a mind-game. But those who walk free, who have never shed a man's blood on their clean hands.. it's different. Say.. let's use me. I hate the feeling of regret, and regret for simple, small incidents such as giving up a mini-dream, just something i've wanted to do.. With that, i know and i believe that if i had the guilt and regret that i took a man's life, no matter how cursed that life was, and no matter how grateful the world would be, a life is a life.. and no-one has the right to take a life.. makes sense? So what i'm saying is that.. if dreams are driven by belief and dedication... every hour, there will be someone working on a dream.. because they're dedicated, believe in themselves, self-willed, and because they know not to hold back..
Everybody's given at least one shot in making a dream come true.. it's just whether they know how to make it or break it.. For every beggar playing the clarinet in the underpass, every cent that goes into their makeshift collection box can make their dream come true. For every criminal that walks out of the gates of the prison, they are given a second life, to make it would be to walk out, never look back and never give up no matter how many times they're rejected.. to break it would be to walk right up to the prison gates, knock, and say you want back in. It's an easy mistake, anybody could make it.. the sad part of life is that everybody makes that mistake along the way.. but that's life isn't it.. not all dreams were made to come true, not everybody was created to believe.. I don't mean that you can't change it.. Mindset is a fun game to play.. but deadly, mindset is like a game of battleship.. every ship you hit opens the catch and your mind widens.. yet every blank piece of ocean locks the catch in, and you would need to reset, and to try again... lol.. not everybody's gonna understand this.. my mind works weird at night.. hmm..
Well so i was thinking.. man it's going to be SO difficult to get through TP.. let alone look ahead at uni.. but i realised, that i've got no willpower, and no belief at the moment.. at least not on this matter.. uh-oh.. lets talk about TP later.. another analytical bit just crossed my mind..
Hey hey, it's bringing me to where i work.. Hmm.. Changi Airport is supposed to be a world-class hub, claiming over 250 airport awards world-wide, 7 time best airport, top 30 busiest airports in the world.. you'd expect alot.. maybe that's how it is on the outlook. Lets zoom in.. Terminal 2 Level 3 viewing mall.. ahh fish n co, whups, sorry, wrong restaurant. Oh lookie.. pasta fresca.. yummy.. mmhmm.. the place looks pretty decent, looks pretty well managed and maintained on the exterior.. nice gold tablecloths.. uniformly dressed staff, wait, zoom in, what's that i see, an untucked shirt! Oh.. well.. it's a little crowded.. it might have came loose from running around going about duties.. hmm.. decent.. oh wait, stop, this is where i work... And for the best part of this, here comes the analogy.. =D..
And for every partially, semi-, and very successful company, there is the man behind the hows and the whats.. for us, there's Mr Salvatore. Decent looking italian man, [little on the short side, but lets not be hypocritical here ;)]... take a closer look.. wait, 'Salvo, please button your shirt..' alright, it's safe now.. For the best part of what i've written above, it really doesn't apply here.. because.. no matter what you say, no matter how much he has earned, or how many branches he has opened.. I see very little dedication. In my humble opinion, his business is driven on the dough .. the ka-ching that you hear.. $.$.. that's it.. MONEY. I can back this up by saying he has little or no contact with the staff that run his restaurant, but don't hold positions. Heck, even the position holders aren't really talked to.. he only talks to his big man, the one who runs the outlet, and brings in his moneyy. And what does he say the first thing he comes? "Why so many staff" ....... Well Mr Salvo, look at the crowd, and for god's sake, work for a day with your ideal number of staff in your eyes, (what is it 3?) and survive WELL through this same crowd. Oh no, but you don't want to actually get your hands dirty.. not anymore, not since you have got this running..
Well .. for the best part of this, he wants a lower staff count, especially for part-times (oh work the full-timers more by all means, it's a pretty fixed pay), because they are paid HOURLY! Which would mean a few threads coming out from his pocket.. honestly, what is a few thousand in PT pay to a man like salvo.. Honestly... maybe peanuts are worth more.. he's rich.. frugal to some extent.. but basicly stingy in another.. Oh, he may seem like a man who believes in enhancing technology, but you don't fool me Mr Salvo ... that biometric punching-in device will only help you cut more costs in the long run.. how? BY LATENESS OF COURSE.. sign in late and i'll take a little of your pay away~! a little + a little + a little ... + a little = ALOT! everybody knows that.. even my little 3 year old cousin! Oh god am i sacarstic.. or am i just honest.. i don't know.. my head hurts.. techno music is bad for your ears.. and for that matter, he's not even kind enough to provide a collection of nice soothing italian music, and thus my head and my brain has to suffer on a workly(only when i work and visit) basis, straining to block the techno out (and failing). And while we're on that topic, the CD player provided is probably 2nd hand and cheap.
And man i'm TIRRRRRED.. let me refocus my mind.. oh yes.. now enough about the boss, good for him that his money-driven dream has gone this far, and i'll hope (though not very much) that his business will flourish and he can finally swim in an olympic sized money pool. Lets talk about someone of a lower rank.. (and corde, for that matter this isn't bitching, it's analysing.. in a bitchy way.. it's somewhat different..) Irene. The junior captain. JC for short. For what sums up what i'm going to say for all the lazy readers who skim instead of read, it's basicly pondering over how she got her position. Never in my life, did i hear of someone, who constantly whines at the manager to be let off early, to get a later shift start, to do this, to do that. I'm going to try to be unbiased here. Say it's my first day.. I would definitely respect someone who does their job, shows authority only when absolutely necessary, and does things with a certain amount of pride in them. Which I saw in Jasmine Tan when i first joined. Indeed, she changed, but respect is instilled, no matter what you say, i'll still respect her.. no matter how much less, respect is still, respect. I'd not see the same thing in someone who has a position, yet constantly whines, doesn't take the initiative to do something, and sends their 'pawns' to do all the dirty work (crumbing, and sweeping the damn floor.. cleaners are paid and treated better i believe..) ... Ah whatever, stop val. I aint going to the point of bitching today.. not tomorrow, maybe gonna make it not ever.. noo.. bitching is evil..
Ok, lets move on then.. I'm not up to the standard where i can talk totally unbiased for a prolonged period.. here comes another topic! Old'Skool.. Do you know why old'skool lives on? Because there are always people in the world who believe in what it's worth to protect what's good and gold. Makes sense? I hope so. Take a gold oldie band like ABBA.. and a currently popular band like FallOutBoy. What's the difference? ABBA has been on the shelves for at least 2 decades, and still sells.. FallOutBoy is what i shall call, short lived.. People tell you this song's nice, and you listen, and you think it's nice, and buy the album. Listen to it a few times yay the song's nice, listen longer and it gets boring. Having a favourite band/song is as close an example to following a dream that EVERYBODY has gone through.. mine's FFF(fiveforfighting). Not because anybody tells me that it's good, but because I think it's good. Because in the long run, what someone else thinks is worth NOTHING compared to what you think, because belief is all that matters.. well ... i'm getting really tired, and i think i've said almost everything on my mind.. and about to win longest blog entry of the year (yes roll your eyes.) but i just hope, that when the time comes for the turning point, to make it or break it, I hope i'm like the beggar in the underpass, to know that when a contribution is made to the humble collection box, to know that that's the time, to pursue a dream.. Right now? uhm.. maybe i'll work on dragging myself through a year at tp..
And now, here's a cookie for everybody who has successfully read the blog entry completely, without falling asleep... (reach here for the cookie) .. HAHA FOOLED YA. oh .. i need sleep.. i'm seeing stars.. and ghostly figures around the room.. eikes.. i sure hope i'm not hallucinating.. this is NOT the time for me to go dementiated. GROWL.
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Omgz0r. Tired man. its like almost 3 am, why am i still freaking awake, oh right, i spent 3 hours adding finishing touches to my DFUND. damn proud of myself =). Omg. Blew alot today. 61+ at HMV man. omg. CDs are a KILLER. haha. Blew another almost 40 on stephen leather's "The BombMaker" and "Tango One". Awesome writer =D. OMG. need to stop going out lolz0r.
Anyway, went to meet corde and ray after my school ended. Feel super loser can. I could have taken 506, fast and direct to corde's school. But what did i do? Take some random 15 from TP.. end up in god know's where, and surprisingly bumped into steph.. LOL. damn funny. But in the end i was first to reach because we decided to meet at city hall and i was basically stranded around the paya lebar/aljunied/eunos area. Don't ask how. I swapped like 4 buses i think -.-...
Corde finally found her clothes for king lear. haha. Damn funny, i swear we walked like 6 times around far east. OMG we forgot to take neoprints. LOL =D. I found a five for fighting hidden track =D the lyrics are quite cool.. LOL..
Anyway, going to sleep now, super tired.. school tomorrow x_X.. growl. out with the five for fighting hidden track =)
Do you mind if I ask you a question
Do you mind if I swear not to hurt you
Do you mind if I bring her still with me
Do you mind if I forget and thank you
Do you mind if I juggle the meaning
Do you care that I only wear silver
Do you care that set only stone
Are you angry the you I’m adopting
Is only a pretense at home
Do you mind if I make you wear earrings
Like she did, like you did before
Do you mind for I think I still love you
Do you mind, Always have
Evermore
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Heaven fell on herself tonight
As the devil met me in the wishing well
And in that moment I found myself knowing
That in the end it's just about you and me
Nothing smaller or larger
Though dragons are good for the soul
Nothing can be better than baring yourself for another...
Open for scrutiny, ridicule, and indulgence
Therein lies the balls, and the mind, and the heart...
As fear is truly the Mindkiller...
When nothing is left...
Everything is gained...
You see I wish I was a poet
But I know as we go round and round
Though endings are never ever happy
It's the happy moments along the way
That in the end
Make it...ok...
Sigh. Tired again. ended up working 3-11. sigh. zzz. Always tired nowadays. sigh. wish i could just take a nice long rest and just sleep for the rest of my life, that'd be awesome man. haha. sigh.. Irene damn bitch today. Table 9A damn bitch also, hope they have car crash with corde's annoying table 16. Not trying to be evil or anything but i wish people wouldn't make life difficult for me sometimes, cos' its not like i do stuff on purpose, and for that matter it's not even my fault damnit. sleepy.. ranting nonsense.. got level 34 on my sin on maple just now =D. lol. starting to get addicted to maple again. Omg damn sleepy. hmm. i think im gonna sleeeeeeeeeep soon. haha. promised corde to drop by tomorrow and stone haha. omg. sleep sounds gooooooood. lol am i lame? rawr. did bar today.. i hate doing bar on a saturday man.. dots.. rah. sleepy. omg. damn lame.. being completely random yay. mmm haha. the monster wants to sleep man. the monster doesnt wanna work on monday.. and the monster definitely doesn't want to work on wednesday T.T ... just ranting nonsense.. rawrz0r.. omg really sleepy man hahhaa. school's horrible.. im going to end up dropping out, i just know it.. ah well... i like five for fighting lyrics, they're meaningful to me.. oh well.. gr0wlz, out with this.
Baby there's something on my mind tonight
There's a reason to believe we almost got it right
There's a fire burning in the firelight
As we roll on tonight
There's paper promises and alibis
There is certainly uncertainty in all our eyes
But as long as you are here I'll be all right
As we roll on tonight
So you go out...I'll go on
If there's a doubt...we'll be strong
As we go on singing
One more for love my love
One more for love...
There's always blood to fill the heart betrayed
There are children being born to every house that's raised
And we're getting closer to where we got it made
As we roll on tonight
So you go out...I'll go on
If there's a doubt...we'll be strong
As we go on singing
One more for love my love
One more for love...
I'm never going to wait for anything
Never going to break for anything
Cause I am one more for love my love
One more for love
One more for love my love
Baby there's something on my mind tonight
There's a reason to believe that we got it right
And all and all you're all that's on my mind tonight As we roll on...
One more for love my love
One more for love
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god. i'm extremely tired. damn long day today and i think the fact that irene was around made it 20 times worse. sigh. didn't sleep properly last night and i had to wake up for school =X 3 hours of EPT and 1 hour of EMaths. omg. Heh.. then work. omg. but before that me and corde, and later joined by ray ate like sakae. omg ray is damn scary. he ate like.. 20 plates? and me and corde had about 25 joined plates. omg.. freakaz0id man. work sucked, thats all you need to know.
having irene around seems to create double jobs everywhere.. despite the fact that i was on floor today and things were pretty much controlled, irene left the bar pretty haphazard, didnt do anything properly, not to mention broke about 8 glasses. jeez. she cant control properly man, so much for the rating of 4s and 5s. dots... corde wiped 2 basketfulls of cutleries, ray reset like half the restaurant, and i rewashed the glasses all over again.. because there were glass bits everywhere. sigh..
tired. only left at about 12:45. and reached home, uh, just? sigh. never felt so tired in my life, really.. mentally drained because irene was driving me half mad, physically drained, today is just a damn long day, grolz0r.
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Happy birthday to me =p. lol.
Okie haha, I love everybody in pasta fresca CA, i love you all =).
Thanks for the crumpler guys, and thanks steph for the album & the effort, its awesome, just very PINK =p
Haha, thanks fel for the.. uhm... makeup lol. I'll wear it on your birthday, i think =p. uhhh =p.
Haha, thanks for not whip creaming me =p. I know, you ran out! lolz0r. =p. And ray -.- actually that drink was quite nice, lol, just super acidic =X.
Haha, the cake was nice =). thanks. I'll update photos later.
Omg wimbledon now, i think nadal's gonna win. omgg.
Update again another time =). growl
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tired.... mwahahaha. went to school for like half an hour today. lol. awesome =) Cos' it was EM and CKT lecture in the morning.. and i was really too lazy to go, and i had DFUND lab test, which started at 12, so i only went to school at 12 lol =) and it was quite an easy lab test.. dots.. so i kind of finished in half an hour =.=" then went to meet corde! mwhaha. went to TM to get some stuff then went to CA. nugget. had to work =( damn.. tired.. gah.. den got this stupid wine order. and i had no idea at all that it had to be chilled la. whatever, elaine also never tell me the customer wanted it chilled. wdv, don't want to talk about it anymore.
did bar at night, quite slack, sorry, very slack. lol. i was like half stoned, and my bar was like fully closed by 10.32. Power right? =) omg.. i'm going back to having no life soon heh, working like.. today, tomorrow and sat, then next week like.. wednesday thursday friday saturday lol... irene's such a weak bitch. ok fair enough she fainted wdv, but gimme a break, nobody needs 2 weeks to recouperate. like uncle ricky said, anybody that sick might as well not work at all man.. growl. tired.
anyway i think its better to work without irene huh. sigh, sometimes i dunno la, i hate to work without ray around, but with the situation nowadays, can't blame him also? cos' its like.. no point, not like ray wants it also, but i hate working alone with the rest.. especially when corde, steph they all aren't around. NUGGET. this restaurant is going to the pits, i really don't think it will last that long. growl. EPT and EM tomorrow, then meeting corde and going to starbucks CA to slack =) then can laugh at ray and jason mwahaha. Fuck. tomorrow is CBD day. CBD CBD CBD. heh. rawr.. tired.. nugget man.. and i think i'll be spending the first few hours of my birthday with corde. lol. because ray is like.. probably going to PP, sigh, and honestly, we will almost definitely go home after 11:15. which means no more train.. growl.. anyway.. YAY tomorrow is friday. which means two things, PAY and last day of the week. which also means the start of work and .. well sunday's my birthday, lolz0r. oh well. growling out
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Sometimes, I just find that life isn't worth living.. is there really a point? Just something to think about, but really.. sigh.. you know how they say the world doesn't revolve around you right, that's true, so even if you die, it wouldn't affect the world at all, a select few people maybe.. but other than that.. the world isn't going to change because you aren't living anymore. oh well..
Andd.. today was such a retarded day.. worked at 3 cos' steph wasn't free.. so ok.. then irene pulled out.. so poor corde had to work again, sigh.. gah.. this is kinda tiring, 2 days of 2/3 -11 is enough to kill me.. sometimes i just feel like .. i live around school and work.. sigh.. school tomorrow.. you see? ah well.. guess who i'm going to see tomorrow, my beloved ckt teacher, aka the bitch, she's so going to ruin my day tomorrow, i'm sure of it, then again, not like it really matters because it's going to be a fucked up day tomorrow.
who will i be working with? jason, charis, kelly, sangit.. just freaking lovely.. i'm going to enjoy it so much.. [insert sacarsm here]. whatever.. no mood anymore.. tired.. need to visit hell and back, just to see what hell is like, it'll probably be better there.. burn in hell val, burn..
and i think im horrible at making friends, keeping friends, whatever. sometimes i think.. im not destined for it.. but oh well.. i love the ones i have, and it cant hurt to have more, so i just find the worst part is letting go, but then they say love means letting go, its a different thing, it hurts.. but sometimes i'm at my limits :( growl..
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Life is made to shape you.. I thank life for shaping me into a puddle of melted goo.
It's sad when sometimes you realise, who you really have as true friends, and who you don't. Those that use you, dispose of you as they please, and step on you when they wish. Had a nice conversation with corde about just that. I love every single one of my friends, and if need be, i'd die for them, I'd rather die for them, than to live with the guilt that i could have saved them, but didn't try.
Death is after all but a new adventure right? Life is meant to prepare you for death.. so life is something like school, and death is like work, and what comes after death .. i don't know.. scotch tape doesn't seem to work anymore, and why do i seem like i'm the only one who uses the scotch tape? Everybody else uses the dustbin.. or gets new ones..
Year after year it's the same scenario for me, people come people go and I seem like the only one that cares or is affected. Cherish what you have.. test their limits.. sigh.. 98% of the time when i test limits, i end up going one step further, and further, until there comes a point in time.. the line just breaks.. it doesn't happen with everybody, 2% stick by me, but that's the honest truth.. life's like that i guess.
I don't like life, and maybe i'm getting ready for my new adventure.
but until then, growl.
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growl.. tired... super tired.. just reached home not long ago.. rawr... heh.. work was just damn cursed today can. at 6 like that, already started screwing up.. sigh. i put the tray back on top of the side station.. and it rolled onto black peppers, smashed the saucer plate, and fell into the fountain.. wth right... then nevermind, later.. i was sending 7up ice lemon tea and something else to table 14.. then i was like "ice lemon tea?" then the guy was like, no, but THIS is mine then grabbed the 7-up. like wth, so sudden so obviously i dropped everything.. sigh.. sucky la.. i hate today.. then got minor shit here and there also.. growl.
so then i was thinking, hmm, maybe can wake up late tomorrow... but nooooo... end up had to take over stephie's shift.. sian.. not her fault though.. not ray's either.. i just feel its kinda screwed up.. sigh... and today poor corde had to work because naz pulled out.. thanks corde, you saved my soul haha.. then after work.. stayed with ray and corde to do some stock count and play with furbies.. damn amusing k.. and then mine said something new.. i rammed it into ray and it went WHOOPEE. lol. damn funny. ok well.. kind of tired, dont really feel like blogging much today haha..
growl. work tomorrow =/ 3-11. rawr. catch me there, monster out. growll
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